Legal

First lawyer meeting

You get a short window. Use it for facts, risk, and next steps — not for the whole marriage story. This is not legal advice. Rules differ by U.S. state and Canadian province.

Bring

One-page timeline: dates and short facts only
The 5–10 messages that show the pattern, not the whole archive
Any orders, police incident numbers, or school pickup rules
A list of accounts, the house, kids, and pets — who controls what
Your own worst texts, so the lawyer is not surprised later

Ask

What should I stop doing this week?
What must be in writing, and what should I not answer?
How do courts here treat coercive control and male victims?
If there are kids, what does a temporary plan usually look like?
What will this cost, and what can wait?
Do you have experience when the client is the man reporting abuse?

Do not

Spend the hour on labels (“she’s a narcissist”) without behaviour
Hide substance use, an affair, or a shove — they will find it
Ask the lawyer to be your therapist
Send a “my side of the story” email on the way home

If you also did harm

Say it in the room. Read if you also did harm before you confess it in a text thread.

Related: court-day card · binder · courts and systems